Staying Committed
Relationships are hard, business is tough, and challenges are an essential part of life. Sometimes the sheer volume of pressure to just show up feels like there is an unending list of things that are expected of you for the simple fact that you are breathing and HERE.
The feeling, on good days, provides a sense of purpose and direction. It focuses us on each ask, task, or actionable step towards building your life, one moment at a time. On good days, I know that the time is plenty, and each task will take the time it takes, there is no rush, no sense of urgency.
On challenging days, this feels like moving from one thing to the next, disappointing ourselves and any/every human being on the other side of the interaction. It feels like a pressure to pour into everything else when you feel so empty your heart might turn in on itself and implode.
Humaning is hard, it takes a lot of time, effort, and energy away from the things we would rather be doing to love ourselves. Feelings make humaning harder. We have them, often we assign the reason we have them to some outside source, and we keep pushing on to prove that we are stronger than the pressure.
Some days are good, and some days are less so, but this process has been in the collective nervous system since the beginning of time, our stories may be unique, the faces may change, and the wheel may turn, but the fact that we will be exposed to the richest emotional experience is called being alive.
There have been many times I have felt (justifiably) like the pressure is too much, it is easier to do it any other way. There have been times I have felt like taking action (canceling a self-development workshop, a trip, a relationship, or a friend) to provide space from the feelings… There have been many times I have taken action to take away the thing I really want only to keep the same painful cycles occurring in the present.
I brag that I have stuck to my commitment through many difficult things in the past few years… I ask how I am able to keep showing up through adversity, and what wisdom can I offer others going through challenging circumstances?
The first thing is to remind myself:
Being alive is a gift and the ability to feel, be, create, and experience is a rare opportunity
I, alone, am responsible for my feelings. I refuse to disempower myself and make someone else responsible for them.
I am at choice in every situation that presents itself, and I trust my inner knowing to lead me to the correct decision for me.
What are/were my intentions (goals) for stepping into this?
THIS situation has shown up to support the things I want to do and the human I want to be in the world. How?
After doing the work and and sitting with these truths, I itemize everything Im feeling and all of my real gripes. Whether I’m speaking or writing, I start with ‘ _______ happened, and I am choosing to feel ______. Then I make sure to validate that there is nothing wrong with feeling these things. Even if you feel like you want to break every glass in your house, there is nothing wrong with feeling this way… (I need to say it… it becomes a different story when you unconsciously act out the feelings, or cause another person harm).
Next, I find support, whether it is in my spiritual practices, or with a trusted coach, mentor, or friend. None of us get through our challenges alone… we aren’t meant to…. We are meant to expand our consciousness and receive alternate feedback to understand the world outside of ourselves a little differently.
Once it is all aired out, I determine what ‘next step’ supports the life I want to create and what I need in this moment for that to happen. Sometimes the answer is to walk away, to allow the death of the thing I intended/hoped for… sometimes it is to bite the bullet, find a way to be comfortable being uncomfortable, and keep moving forward. I generally don’t know the answer until the end of my process.
If the answer is to allow the death, I trust that my inner knowing is leading me to the next right thing for me… and if it is to continue forth, I know that I will receive that gift on the other side of all of the challenge. Sometimes that gift is the vision working… sometimes it is a deeper understanding, love, and appreciation of myself. Sometimes that gift is a clarity on better actions to take next time.
Personally, I trust that I can do hard things; I have learned the value of being comfortable when I am uncomfortable, to learn what I don’t know or understand, and deepen my resolve. It is not a painless process, and certainly not easy…. It tests me every moment, but I have to trust that I am up for the task, and I use my past as the proof I need against the gremlins in my head.
I do know that a willingness to do hard things and choosing to persevere to completion is one of my favorite human traits, WE ALL HAVE IT. I can promise that whatever the challenge you are facing, it’s valid, it is not as imposing as it feels, and you will make it through.
